The Mitchell Report (pdf)
Oh, I’m sorry… you just want the names. Here they are:
Paul Lo Duca
Jerry Hairston Jr.
Gary Matthews Jr.
Tune in at 6 p.m. when the MLBPA fires back.
As everyone (or at least baseball fans and media types with no lives) try to play the guessing game over which players and ex-players will be on The Mitchell Report, a handful of names are beginning to leak out.
According to a report on ESPN, Yankees Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte are reportedly on Mitchell’s list. Yet as the dangerous game of implicating people without any acknowledgment of the league’s collective bargaining agreement or due process continues, the speculation runs rampant.
That’s human nature, we suppose.
Around these parts folks are wondering which Phillies (or ex-Phillies) will be on Mitchell’s Report. We can’t get into that, but we know for a FACT that all-time favorite Phillie, Doug Glanville, WILL NOT be implicated on the Mitchell Report.
Former Senator George Mitchell will release his long-awaited report on his investigation into baseball’s alleged performance-enhancing drugs problem. Senator Mitchell will make an announcement at 2:30 p.m. in press conference from New York City.
At 2:32 p.m. tumbleweed will blow across Mitchell’s podium and one lone cricket will chirp. At 2:34 p.m. Major League Baseball will go back to business as usual.
By 2:40 p.m. all of the sports media and a few selected congressional-type bureaucrats will pontificate about something or other, and by 3 p.m. it will all be over.
However, at 4:30 p.m. at a seperate press conference, commissioner Bud Selig will announce that he is shocked — shocked! — at the Mitchell Report’s findings.
Then he will fly back to Milwaukee and have a hot dog and a coke at Gilles Frozen Custard stand.
Do you think that maybe they can get Sam Elliott to narrate the thing just to liven it up a bit?
Is everyone ready for The Mitchell Report? Oh, I’m sure it will make all the papers. If not, here’s what to expect.
According to a story in The New York Times, approximately 50 players will be named in the report. That number jibes with the report from last year that at least two players from each team tested positive for performance-enhancing substances.
Will (or which) Phillies will be named in the report?