Is he a Vulcan?

What’s that growing out of Billy Wagner’s ear… oh, it’s one of those pathetic bluetooth things. You know, the phone devices that make annoying folks look like they have an entire cadre of friends that may or may not be calling every five to ten minutes. Barring that, it makes it easier for the self-possessed to appear as if they are not talking to themselves.

Nevertheless, it appears as if Wagner, or “Country Time” as he has been dubbed in The City, will be talking to himself a lot these days. That’s because not only was he taken to task by manager Willie Randolph for calling out starting pitcher Oliver Perez for a rather languid outing a week or go, but yesterday, following a 1-0 loss to the Nationals, Wagner called out his teammates for ducking the media.

Here, take a look:

Here’s the transcript. According to published reports, Wagner directed his ire toward Carlos Delgado’s empty locker:

“Can somebody tell me why the (expletive) the closer being interviewed and I didn’t even play, while they’re over there not getting interviewed? I get it, they’re gone. (Expletive) shocker.”

OK. It sounds like the Mets’ clubhouse is a lot like the Phillies after a loss (or a win) in that players are not too interested in deconstructing their job for the media and fans. Because, you know, screw the media and the fans.

Still, there are Phillies who are very good at talking to the press after games. For instance, Brett Myers was sitting at his locker waiting to re-live the horror of Wednesday night’s eight-run debacle against the Braves. He was rather stand-up about it, which, I suspect, isn’t the easiest part of the gig. As a whole, the Phillies usually are good about the media part of the job, though a few can be a bit prickly.

I guess that makes them human… go figure.

But just for the record, if I were a mainstream professional athlete, I’d place a podium and small stage in front of my locker in order to properly discuss all topics with the press. Sometimes, you know, I can get a bit chatty, though I’d probably just use the old Scott Rolen line and ask the press, “What do you need me to say to make your story better?”

Sometimes I can be a team player.

Anyway, back to Wagner…

With the way Brad Lidge has been pitching - and yes, Wagner has been very good this year - would anyone want Country Time back in Philly?

Additionally, does anyone else think that the Mets are just going to implode during the second half of this season complete with fistfights in the clubhouse and sniping in the NYC tabloids?

Speaking of what other people think, is there any other player that has more fun than Manny Ramirez?

Answer?

No.

Sit tight

More stuff is coming. I’m, you know, busy.

Chat lines are open…

I’ll be at the ballpark all night writing stuff and all of that kind of stuff… some of it might even be published. In the meantime, click here to chat about whatever. You know, baseball, politics, hockey or if you feel the need to unburden yourself, just log on and we’ll try to work it out.

Again, the chat line is now open.

Don’t think, just throw

At this point, writing about Ryan Howard’s cluelessness at the plate or Brett Myers’ mental meltdowns on the mound is nothing more than piling on. Plus, the last thing that a guy struggling through bad funk really wants to hear is more advice from a bunch of people who think they have the answer to everything.

So rather than pick at the scab of the Phillies’ offense and pitching rotation with over-analysis, pretentiousness and general blathering on, we’ll focus our attention on something else. But before we move on, try these out:

Hey Ryan, listen to Charlie. When it comes to hitting he knows what he is talking about. And Brett, just pitch, dude. Instead of becoming the real-life embodiment of Nuke LaLoosh (the similarities really are quite uncanny, though Nuke never got arrested), take the advice of Crash Davis and just pitch.

Better yet, don’t think - you’ll only hurt the ballclub.

Apropos of nothing, Pat Burrell averages 4.2 pitches per plate appearance this season. That’s the lowest number of pitches per plate appearance he’s faced since the 2003 season. However, during the break-out 2002 season in which he slugged 37 homers and had 116 RBIs, faced just 4.09 pitches per at bat.

Does this stat mean anything? Who knows. I just thought I’d throw it out there.

Anyway, one of my most favorite stories I’ve read during the past few months was the Esquire article by Susan Casey about a 75-year-old badass named Don Wildman. Casey describes Wildman as the Chuck Yeager of fitness, which is apt. Wildman is exactly the way I want to be if I ever make it to 75.

Check it out: The World’s Healthiest 75-Year-Old Man

Here’s how Wildman spent his 75^th year.

I was going to write about horse racing, hockey and things like that, but instead I’ll just drop the link for the Wildman story. Meanwhile, I’m hitting the road for a few days so all the fun will return on Tuesday in time for the Phillies-Braves and Flyers-Penguins. You know… we’ll chat then.

Olbermann goes to a construction site

Broadcaster and baseball geek, Keith Olbermann, was given a tour of the new Yankee Stadium. He took a video camera, too.

Going live…

We will debut a live chat next Tuesday at 6:45 p.m. from Citizens Bank Park. More information will come in the ensuing days, but in the meantime, bookmark this link to participate.

As tough as a girl

It wasn’t all that long ago when I wrote an essay about how a 14-year-old female swimmer was tougher than then-Phillies pitcher Gavin Floyd. Actually, the swimmer just wasn’t tougher mentally than Floyd, but I had an inkling that if it ever went down, the girl would give him a beating.

That fact was Floyd was soft. I based that assessment from listening to his teammates, coaches and team executives talk about him, as well as from body language. Floyd just didn’t seem comfortable in his own skin. He was intimidated by the media, his teammates, himself and worse, the competition.

Floyd had talent to spare and dominated his way through the minors even though he was rather uninspired. He yawned his way through a minor-league no-hitter and pitched, as some experts observed, as if he was bored. But when he got to the Phillies and quickly realized that everyone was talented and that he would have to become fully engaged, well, that’s when things got difficult.

“The competition isn’t a threat,” pitching coach Rich Dubee said in a story dated June 5, 2006. “It should be a challenge. It intimidates him sometimes. Everything’s life and death, and it doesn’t need to be that way. This needs to be something that he enjoys doing. I’m sure he felt extra heat - a lot of a lot of good players have had to go backward to go forward. Hopefully, he can get straightened out and get back up here.”

That was when I wrote about how 14-year-old Amanda Beard, the Olympic champion and a contemporary of Floyd’s, could kick his ass.

Nevertheless, after a four-inning stint in Los Angeles on June 1 of 2006 where Floyd gave up seven earned runs on seven hits, three walks and three homers, the fourth overall pick of the 2001 draft never pitched for the Phillies again. Though he was drafted ahead of big-league regulars like Mark Teixeira, Aaron Heilman, Bobby Crosby, Jeremy Bonderman, Noah Lowry, Dan Haren, Scott Hairston, Kevin Youkilis, Dan Uggla, Ryan Howard and David Wright, the Phillies packaged him up as a complimentary piece in the deal to acquire Freddy Garcia from the Chicago White Sox.

Who would have guessed that Garcia got just one more win for the Phillies after the trade than Floyd?

Or who would have guessed that Floyd’s nasty sweeping curve would return to form and become one of the best pitches in the American League? Who would have guessed that Floyd would have solidified himself as a main cog in Ozzie Guillen’s rotation on the South Side?

Better yet, who would have guessed that Floyd would have carried two no-hitters into the eighth inning - and beyond - during the first month of the season?

Anyone? Pat Gillick? Charlie Manuel? Cole Hamels? Anyone?

As Charlie Manuel told MLB.com in today’s edition:

“When I see Gavin pitch like that, it shows he can do it,” Manuel said. “He’s 3-1. He’s been kind of inconsistent in his career, but his stuff, everyone in baseball and everyone in our organization and the White Sox organization sees the same stuff. That’s why he was projected as someone who could be a good big league pitcher.”

Just somewhere else.

“I think the change of scenery helped him,” Manuel said. “I think he was ready for a change of scenery from Philadelphia, and it’s been good for him. He’s pitching to his potential.”

Floyd came five outs away from a no-hitter against the Detroit Tigers on April 12 where he struck out four and gave up just the one hit in a 7-0 win. Earlier this week, Floyd took a no-no into the ninth against the Minnesota Twins before Joe Mauer - the No. 1 pick of the 2001 draft - laced a double to left-center with one out.

All told, Floyd has a 3-1 record with a 2.50 ERA in six starts - all in which he has pitched at least six innings. If there has been one mar on Floyd’s slate it is that he ahs just 19 strikeouts to 18 walks this season. However, opponents, obviously, aren’t getting too many hits off him. In nearly 40 innings, Floyd has given up just 20 hits to hold the opposition to a .149 batting average.

As fellow first-round draft pick and minor-league teammate Cole Hamels told MLB.com:

“It’s great for him,” Hamels said. “He’s always had the stuff. It’s always been a confidence factor. I don’t think he ever got comfortable in Philadelphia. He has tremendous stuff, and now he has to go out there and show everybody what he’s really all about and the player that a lot of people saw.”

His new manager Guillen saw it and was willing to send his close friend Garcia packing in order to get Floyd.

As Guillen told the Chicago Sun Times:

“So far, he makes me sound like a genius,” Guillen said. “Everything is mental. If you believe in what you have and that you can do this, it’s going to be easier. There’s no doubt this guy has great stuff.

“I like his arm, and that’s the reason we take the chance. He believes in himself now and has confidence.”

Can Floyd keep it up? Only time will tell. But the one thing for sure is that Guillen and the White Sox are going to give him a chance. Confidence and comfortability seem to have given the tall righty the toughness that was missing during his time in Philadelphia. Experience seems to have helped, too. The mark of a good athlete is how he (or she) handles defeats. It’s easy to cruise through games with yawns and knockouts, but it’s much more difficult to get back up after being knocked down.

The tough ones get back up.

Maybe Floyd is as just as tough as Amanda Beard? The difference now appears to be that one was simply a late bloomer.

Tired, tired, tired

I’m tired. Just beat. Frankly, it’s all I can do to keep my eyes open or from pitching forward off the couch and onto the floor. If I’m not rubbing my eyes I’m yawning. And if I’m not yawning, I’m quickly trying to snap my head back up after quickly dozing off.

In other words, I’m tired.

But the reason for my languor is not from too much exercise or other “lifestyle” choices. Generally, I eat well, though this week I had my first pizza, beer and ice cream-type dessert of the year. I figure a person needs to earn those types of things and after four months I relented. Besides, the next shot I get at those types of things won’t be until November so I might as well enjoy the week of letting go.

Still, I get plenty of rest, drink lots of water and take vitamins. Additionally, I give badass lessons on the side for folks interested in becoming a man of steel though the ability to fly and the vertical leap are not in the syllabus. We just deal in hard-headed toughness.

Anyway, the reason why I’m beat and bone weary is because of all these damn late-night starts for the Phillies. Sure, Arizona, where the Phillies are knee-deep in a four-game set with the Diamondbacks, is just two hours behind us on the east, but that’s an extra two hours I have to think about a nap and rearranging the daytime schedule. Just wait until the Phillies get to San Francisco on Friday night when the first pitch isn’t thrown until after 10 p.m.

The thing about time zones is that they get better the farther west you go. I remember Randy Wolf explaining the reason why he was a Braves fan as a kid instead of the nearby Dodgers was because the Braves were always on TV when he got home from school. He could come home, put his books down and there was Glavine, Maddux and Smoltz pitching for the Braves every day at 4 p.m. Perhaps the fact that California kids get so much more exposure to the game than the kids living in the Eastern Time zone is the reason why there are so many west coasters in the Majors.

We get bad traffic, foul attitudes, snowy winters and humidity and they get 300 days of sunshine a year, beautiful landscapes and the Braves game at 4 p.m.

Surely that theory as to why California is home to the most baseball players is correct, but it doesn’t do anything for hardcore Phillies’ fans that need some sleep. Better yet, imagine trying to follow a game when you’re fatigued after a long day, you finally get the kids off to bed after an argument with a four-year old over whether it’s the Leaning Tower of Pisa or the Leaning Tower of Pizza only to settle in front of the tube on the night Jamie Moyer is pitching.

The drug companies ought to try to make a pill that can put a guy out faster than a west-coast game pitched by Jamie Moyer. Hell, that’s a narcotic.

Inevitably, though, it’s about the seventh inning when you finally shake off the cob webs and look up to see red caps and visiting grays dashing around the bases in the desert. But just when you think it’s some sort of Alice in Wonderland-type dream without the backwards clock, big No. 6 takes a called third strike and reality returns.

***
So yeah, Ryan Howard’s slump is well into its second month and has shown the slightest interest in taking a break. In fact, it’s really quite confusing why Howard’s dead weight continues to fill up the cleanup spot in the batting order between the hot-hitting duo of Chase Utley and Pat Burrell.

Worse, it seems as if Howard really doesn’t have a clue at all right now. Always quick to make adjustments at every level of his pro career, Howard seems perplexed as his average dips closer to .160 and his strikeout total edges closer to triple digits with each passing week.

Remember, it’s still May.

Nevertheless, don’t be surprised if Howard finishes the season with a .220 average and 220 strikeouts even though to boost his average that high would take some work. In the meantime, Howard could at least feign interest in the field or stop acting like the umps are ringing him up on bad or borderline calls. He should take his medicine like a man or at least in the same manner in which he fought for the $10 million for the season.

Better yet, dig this quote lifted from Scott Lauber:

“To me, it’s all about seeing the ball and having good at-bats,” Howard said. “To everyone else, it’s about results. That’s how it is in the media and everywhere else. So that’s that. People see what they want to see. There’s a lot of stuff that you don’t see, other stuff that’s going on. I try to do what I can to help the team win in whatever ways I can.”

No, trying to help the team in whatever way he can is something Eric Bruntlett or Chris Coste says. For Ryan Howard, who whined about money for the past two years, it is about results. If he wants to blame the media for focusing on things like “results,” fine. But if that’s the case he shouldn’t go crying to the media when he doesn’t get the contract he wants or when his new video game comes out.

Then again, video games are for guys with results so that’s that.

Here’s a theoretical:

Who is out of baseball first? Jim Thome or Ryan Howard.

Nothing like some self-imposed masochism

So yeah, the day of running is here. I was good enough for a trophy, but not for a check.

I would have preferred a check.

We were somewhere near Barstow…

I’m holed up here in a hotel in the Pocono Mountains kind of like Hunter Thompson on the Vegas strip, only not as much fun and fewer grapefruits. But I bet I have the departed gonzo doctor beat on pounds of ice applied to muscles and tendons as well as milligrams of NSAIDs ingested.

Do I know how to party or what?

Anyway, it’s always peculiar to note the extremes folks (like me) will go to in order to put on some skimpy and overpriced clothing along with shoes featuring more technological materials than the space shuttle in order to run around like a weirdo. Oh sure, there really aren’t too many things that are more fun than dashing around all naked in the wind-like, but it’s not exactly natural. Hell, when is the last time a giraffe out on the savanna decided to get the training run in for the day?

Giraffes run when they have to, not because they can.

But speaking of natural, Pat Burrell’s plate appearance with two outs in the bottom of the 10^th was certified organic. Better yet, it was artful - a measure of power vs. power and baseball savvy all rolled into a healthy, natural mix. Better yet, watching here in the heavily fortified compound off the Interstate with free parking, a pool, wireless and a complimentary breakfast, it was hard not to see how Burrell was going to end last night’s game with a home run. On the telecast it was easy to see Burrell attempt to get his timing down to catch up with Brian Wilson’s blazing fastball and by the time he solved the riddle of velocity and location, the baseball didn’t stand a chance.

But more than the walk-off homer to win another game for the Phillies, Burrell’s transformation this season has remarkable. At the plate he’s balanced, patient, focused and relaxed. He seems to have a plan every time he strolls to the plate that goes beyond the simple grip-it-and-rip-it mien. For once it seems, the numbers tell the full story about what Burrell is bringing to the table for the Phillies - certainly it’s been a long time since that occurred.

Burrell rates in the top five in six major offensive categories. He leads the league in RBIs (29); he’s second in homers (nine) and slugging (.690); third in OPS (1.142); fourth in on-base percentage (.452); and fifth in walks (23). Better yet, Burrell is on pace to set career highs in homers, RBIs, walks, hits and runs.

Perhaps most importantly, Burrell is on pace to set a career low in strikeouts. Sure, he’s whiffing at a clip that could give him 113 for the season, but that’s a big drop from last season’s 120. That’s because he and Chase Utley are carrying the middle of the order while Ryan Howard attempts to find a clue out there.

But how about this? Should Charlie Manuel bump up Burrell a spot in the batting order to cleanup and slide Howard down to the fifth or sixth spot? For one, Burrell might get more pitches to hit with the specter of Howard’s past performances lurking on the on-deck circle. For another, the Phillies break up the lefties in the middle of the order so that the opposition can’t bring in a late-inning left-hander to face both Utley and Howard.

From here, holed up on the first floor waiting for the wakeup call in order to get caffeine and numb from the ibuprofen, the Burrell-Howard switch seems like the smart thing to do. With Burrell driving in runs and winning games for the team and Howard doing his best to kill rallies with an avalanche of whiffs, the longest-tenured Phillie seems ready to be the anchor.